Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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