You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
