Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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