It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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