I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
