Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
