I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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