are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
