I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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