Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
