Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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