these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
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