I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
