That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
