just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
