Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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