ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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