they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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