His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize