May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize