U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Vodka?
Forever.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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