they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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