Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
