the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
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Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
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One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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