Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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