Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
