The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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