I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
