Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
