lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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