I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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