R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
