and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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