yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
