Christians are straight up FREAKS
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
