her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
now i know why i became what i already was.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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