I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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