I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
