today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
