you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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