What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
