The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
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My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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