Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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