What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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