the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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