Im at strip club and am horny
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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