There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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