tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
