the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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