nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
