i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
