Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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