I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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