Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
