You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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