Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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