I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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