I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize