They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
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You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
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I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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